Grump

Well, I’ve hit a new level. I never thought this would happen.

I’m writing this, fully dressed, make-up, breasts, clothes – you name it. But I’m grumpy.

Back in the beginning of July if you had told me that I would be able to crossdress, look pretty decent, all while my girlfriend was home I would have told you two things:

1. Shut the fuck up.

2. Seriously? Oh – then that’s the best thing in the world. Nothing can ruin that.

It’s September now, though, and I’ve been dressing for about two months. Each time adding a little more, getting a bit better, and more comfortable. Except now I’m grumpy.

This is me, slightly grumpy

Slightly grumpy.

While dressing tonight my FreeBra broke. Yes, I know – it’s a piece of garbage. I spent a few bucks on it, and even in my last post I thought it’s durability was questionable. Here’s the thing, though. It’s still adhesive, but the silicone gel broke. The left boob just split. While I was dressing. And I looked pretty good, to boot.

Jump to the present. I’m still dressed, my cleavage is minimal, and now I know that I have spent enough crossdressing that I can be grumpy while doing so. The endless euphoria an uncloseted crossdresser feels comes with a caveat. It ends.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still happy to be dressed. I imagine this is how a genetic girl feels when a favorite bra breaks. My cleavage – gone, just like that!

In an effort to play the optimist, I’ll try to look at this from another angle. I’m comfortable enough crossdressing that it no longer feels like an experience, and it’s just another part of life. That’s really cool – crossdressing is the new normal. That’s something to celebrate. The fact that I can type a blog entry, watch the Mets game, or read a book, forgetting the fact that I’m en femme is awesome.

Before I came out, any time I tried to do these things while home alone and dressed, I couldn’t pay attention. Every sensation was too new, too exciting. Now I can compartmentalize and enjoy being dressed while not even realizing it.

So I take the good with the bad. No cleavage, but the ability to relax, breathe and be me. Besides, I shouldn’t be grumpy. I ordered two more FreeBras from ebay. Next time I’ll be prepared!

In other news, my girlfriend braided my hair earlier. I think it looked pretty good, but I prefer to have my hair hide the sides of my face – I think it makes me look less masculine. It was fun to try, though, and looked cute with my outfit.

Also to note – I had 91 hits the other day, and over 100 during a 24-hour span. That’s pretty damn cool. A number of different countries, too…. So hello anyone actually reading this!