Well, I’ve hit a new level. I never thought this would happen.

I’m writing this, fully dressed, make-up, breasts, clothes – you name it. But I’m grumpy.

Back in the beginning of July if you had told me that I would be able to crossdress, look pretty decent, all while my girlfriend was home I would have told you two things:

1. Shut the fuck up.

2. Seriously? Oh – then that’s the best thing in the world. Nothing can ruin that.

It’s September now, though, and I’ve been dressing for about two months. Each time adding a little more, getting a bit better, and more comfortable. Except now I’m grumpy.

This is me, slightly grumpy

Slightly grumpy.

While dressing tonight my FreeBra broke. Yes, I know – it’s a piece of garbage. I spent a few bucks on it, and even in my last post I thought it’s durability was questionable. Here’s the thing, though. It’s still adhesive, but the silicone gel broke. The left boob just split. While I was dressing. And I looked pretty good, to boot.

Jump to the present. I’m still dressed, my cleavage is minimal, and now I know that I have spent enough crossdressing that I can be grumpy while doing so. The endless euphoria an uncloseted crossdresser feels comes with a caveat. It ends.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still happy to be dressed. I imagine this is how a genetic girl feels when a favorite bra breaks. My cleavage – gone, just like that!

In an effort to play the optimist, I’ll try to look at this from another angle. I’m comfortable enough crossdressing that it no longer feels like an experience, and it’s just another part of life. That’s really cool – crossdressing is the new normal. That’s something to celebrate. The fact that I can type a blog entry, watch the Mets game, or read a book, forgetting the fact that I’m en femme is awesome.

Before I came out, any time I tried to do these things while home alone and dressed, I couldn’t pay attention. Every sensation was too new, too exciting. Now I can compartmentalize and enjoy being dressed while not even realizing it.

So I take the good with the bad. No cleavage, but the ability to relax, breathe and be me. Besides, I shouldn’t be grumpy. I ordered two more FreeBras from ebay. Next time I’ll be prepared!

In other news, my girlfriend braided my hair earlier. I think it looked pretty good, but I prefer to have my hair hide the sides of my face – I think it makes me look less masculine. It was fun to try, though, and looked cute with my outfit.

Also to note – I had 91 hits the other day, and over 100 during a 24-hour span. That’s pretty damn cool. A number of different countries, too…. So hello anyone actually reading this!

Cleavage! (Part Deux)

Multiple angles

Using the “Freebra”

So yesterday the FreeBra arrived in the mail, which I saw after watching the tutorial on YouTube, originally posted by Emsy. I didn’t follow the instructions exactly, choosing to use only one FreeBra, combined with my breast forms and pocketed bra.

The results, you can see, look much better than the make-up born cleavage – and it also takes much less time. The FreeBra forms (or at least the Chinese knock-offs I have) have a sticky backing that when it arrives is protected by plastic. After wearing the forms for a few hours they started to shift a bit due to sweat. When I removed them they were not as sticky as when they arrived, which I suppose is to be expected.

I washed them gently with some soap and water, which will hopefully preserve their stickiness, but if not, they’re very cheap on ebay and if needed I can order another set (or two!)

After wearing them, by the end of the night, my neck hurt from looking down so much. I honestly couldn’t believe how well they worked. Even my girlfriend, who was shocked when she saw them, was caught staring a few times. Society has raised everyone, regardless of gender, to have a built in cleavage detector.

Please note that if the pictures don’t look the greatest, it’s because I didn’t fully dress up to try this out, so obviously no wig, my chest was not 100% shaved, and some red marks from the first shave are also visible. This weekend I hope to be able to put everything together to see how it looks completed.

I still want to do an in-depth Halloween post, discussing what Halloween means to me as a crossdresser, what it might mean for closeted crossdressers and their families, and then a full pictorial breakdown of my “costume.” I will probably, wait til at least October to post it though, so to be more in the spirit when the spirit is in fact in the air.