Erm….

Well.

This is awkward.

I’m still here. I think. I said that in my last post, and look where that found me. Or didn’t find me.

I want to talk about two things in this post, and then kind of weave them together fancifully. Me, and crossdressing. And we’re we’ve found our respective selves over the past few months. I suppose I didn’t need that introduction, seeing that those two things have always been the center of this blog, but seeing as I’ve typed all this already, I’m leaving it all. This included.

Me

In April I got engaged to my wonderful girlfriend of six years. Yay! We’re getting married next summer, and it will be a wonderful affair, despite all the crazy it brings out in just about everyone. (Ourselves excluded.)

Crossdressing

I haven’t crossdressed in full since probably December or January. I’d have to go back and open the blog in a new window to check the last date, but needless to say, it’s been awhile. Yeah, I’ve slept in panties a few times here and there, and even put on my padding and breast forms on a few occasions. Nothing full, though.

Me & Crossdressing (Or is it Crossdressing & I?)

I certainly haven’t dressed for lack of want. The last time I fully dressed, whenever that was, I could sense the unpleasantness in the girlfriend (from this point on, fiancee.) It was too long ago for me to remember the exact details, but the conversation that entailed involved me questioning why she seemed so distant when I dressed.

She pointed out, rightfully so, that when I dress I go into my own world. The process itself takes about an hour, or more if I have to shave my legs. Then, once I’ve dressed, I become Queen of Vain and just take pictures of myself. It’s pathetic, I know.

I didn’t know how to respond, but I didn’t like the distance between us, and at the time didn’t want to acknowledge that it was my fault. I still kind of don’t, but really know it is.

Regardless, I decided then to take some time off from crossdressing. I wasn’t sure how long, but knew I didn’t to take a break for a bit. I probably should have told you guys. Sorry. My bad?

The question is, now… where do I go from here?

I told the fiancee that in the fall I was going to start dressing again with some more frequency. She said she expected I would eventually, and she has no problem with that. I want to make sure, though, that when I dress this time, I try to find some way of bridging the distance between us it creates.

I realize, that in a way, this is kind of a non-problem. For example, right now. I’m blogging, she’s reading. We’re each doing our own thing, and the distance between us is normal. But why isn’t the distance between us normal when I dress up?

I don’t know for sure, but I want to say it has something to do with my need for reassurance and acceptance when dressed. I’m very self-conscious about both the fact that I dress, and how I look when I do it. I don’t expect the fiancee to just inundate me with complements, acceptance and praise when I dress, because I think I need it.

Instead, I think, I will look to do things for the two of us when I dress. Video games, board games, puzzles, cooking, or – dare I say it? – going out. Yes, I’ve still yet to take the plunge outside of going to a friend’s house, but that’s something I hope to rectify — eventually.

So, come late September/early-October, Justine, in full, will commence again. The euphoria is over, but the desire is still very much there. Year two. I’m interested in how things will go this year. Most of my friends now know, and are accepting. I have a better idea of what I want and expect. This should all be fun and interesting.

I have to add, again, that my fiancee has been amazing, patient, accepting and helpful through this whole life experience. It takes a very special person to be able to deal with me, and what some might call my idiosyncrasies.

I don’t know when I’ll update again. I will, most definitely. Until then, though – I very much look forward to the fall.

Justine